The Room Episode 2
Conor, Jack and Sam are sat on the bed. Conor- I'm bored. Jack- I'm more bored. Sam- I'm even more bored. Jack- I'm ten thousand times more bored than you can ever be. Conor- Do you have the statistics to prove it? Because if you don't have at least three spreadsheets and a powerpoint slide with customised animations I don't know on what basis you assume that. Jack- Shut up Conor. Sam- I wish they'd given us some more stuff to do. Conor- I guess it's part of the sentence. Bore us to repentance. Sam- Maybe. Jack- What are we going to do? Sam- Maybe, and this is just a maybe, and you can totally reject this if you want, we could, but only if you totally want to, have an orgy. There is a long pause. Sam- Well? Conor- It's a no from me. Jack- Yeah... I'm fine as well. Sam- Fine, yeah, that's totally fine. Conor- You got any idea's Wallace? Pack of Cards- Go screw yourself you Mass Effect playing anus-licker. Conor- Yeah, cheers for that, very helpful. Pack of Cards- Your welcome. Conor- Yeah, anyway- Pack of Cards- Dickface. Conor- Yeah, right. Anyway, we could talk about our interests. A good old chat between mates. Jack- I hate all of you. Sam- Yeah, I'm only here because they told me I had to. Conor- Fine, an awkwardly forced conversation between people who mutually detest everyone else in the vicinity. Jack- Yeah, that's better. Conor- So Jack, what did you do in the outside world? Jack- I did weights. Conor- Anything else? Jack- No. Conor- Come on, there must have been something else. Jack- THERE WAS NOTHING. Conor- What about you Sam? Sam- I spent most of my time reviewing films. Jack- Oh, cool. What kind of films? Sam- Well, a mixture, but I guess most of the stuff I watched was extreme gay porn. There is a long silence. Conor- Maybe we should stop. Enough frivolities for one day. Sam- I must have watched almost 10,000 videos. Conor- Stop. Sam- It was exciting, upsetting and uplifting all at the same time. Conor- I really, really meant it. Jack- What kind of music did you listen to? Conor- Oh, don't, Sam'll say ABBA or Queen or something. Sam- I actually preferred '1001 male orgasm sounds'. Conor- That's worse! Sam- Not from where I'm standing. Conor- Yeah, but you're a good hundred yards away from the rest of society Sam- That's what grandma said too. Jack- Right, I know what we're doing. Cut to blackout. When it rises, Sam is army-tucked into the bed. Sam- Oh you cockfaces! Conor- Shut up. Sam- What am I supposed to do? Jack- Shut up? Sam- This is against my human rights! Conor- Shut up. Sam- How am I going to eat? Jack- Shut up. Sam- I am going to destroy you when I get out of here! Conor- Shut up. Sam- I will nerdrage all over the place! Jack- Shut up. Sam- Gaaaaaaaah! Conor- Hang on a second. Conor picks up a shoe. Sam- Hey, no, that's leather, I'm a vegetarian- Conor jams in into Sam's throat. Jack- Arsehole. Conor- Mind you, only he could have the foresight to bring along that miniature Stalin moustache. Makes charades much more fun. Jack- I think maybe we should stop playing that. Considering the... films... that he watches. It begins to fade. Conor- But where did he get it from? Is it a prop or something? Jack- I think it's best not to ask. Conor- I guess so, I'm still recovering after he explained where he got his sandals from... Jack- I can't believe he'd do that to a horse...